I’ve never been to the Sahara;

walked in the desert or felt the thirst that
creates mirages.  I’ve never had sand in my eyes from desert’s nightly winds; never gotten cold or hungry in the desert.
I’m having desert cravings.  I am like a child born far away from her natural climate.  I thought of the climates I’ve never lived in.  The desert, the poles, the steppes...I’ve never lived in an extreme climate except perhaps my childhood in the east…A Mediterranean passion, an Eastern reclusiveness, all the intricacies of living in between has been reflected on my seasons.  When I studied nature and the seasons to draw my own internal map the desert was not included.

Then why have I always felt the desert to be a part of me?  Sand, sun, wind, desolation are not strangers to me.  They are like my siblings.  Then why have I always felt as if I am living in a desert?  Why?  Is it just my destiny to feel words filling and pouring from my mouth like particles of sand?

Was every work we created a mirage to quench our thirst, relieve our wildness?  Was it they that made us continue even thirstier?  I’m writing this piece in Istanbul and imagining that I’m in the Sahara desert.  .  In the Sahara Desert I am waiting for a sign from god.

I’ve never been to the Sahara desert but I’ve left some things there:  a boat, my wings, words, laughter, love which can only be reciprocated by God, tears and two drops of water.
We are traveling down a road knowing that there is ‘nothing’ at the end…

Perhaps the desert shows us the beginning and the end simultaneously. Perhaps it shows ‘Nothingness’.

Raziye Kubat
İstanbul 2004